A Prefix

i wear my clothes as shelter from the sun. i lay awake awaiting her to open her eyes., for when she opens her eyes i don't need my clothes anymore. i dont need to be protected from anything anymore as soon as she opens her eyes. when she opens her eyes and i see her smile, it's kind of like a fairytale where such devestation has overcame and won the soul of a boy, and for years while he struggled and struggled trying to understand the meaning of being a man, he hit the lowest of lows and saw the ugliest of uglies. while terror and desperation always took hold, one day while giving into the devil's delight, he was struck by a sudden urge to change everything he had known. the devil brings laughter to his thought of change, but while he realized he was his own devil, destroying himself and hurting everyone and everything around him, that urge kept pushing. and behind the urge to change was a face, a face, a smile, a warm comfort soul. as the fairytales go, he wanted nothing more but to be in love, and to be loved. and on that dark summer night, where everything was out of his control, while the devil's joined hand in hand in great summer night song, he saw tomorrow. such a great weight was lifted. and like the fairytales go, he was tamed to himself and for the love of another.i have seen a lot. i have felt a lot. i have been a lot of different people.all of these bricks started looking the same, on every building they were just more and more bricks. i'm getting away from myself, what i am meaning to say. when i start to forget who i am, where i have been, where i am, what i am, i close my eyes and open them, to re-realize how everything has gotten. see for her, i am me. it's unmistakenable the kind of person i was before i met her. i will never turn my back or lay my head to what life was before her. but i cannot put a million days on this sole fact, the only reason when i breathe i feel and taste fresh air. it's all simple if you don't think about it. see you can just say i am in love, i praise god, i am alive! but to really be in love, to really praise god and to really be/feel alive you must take in every single fact, specific and broad, dark and bright, full and empty. you must take it all in and let it flow through your body so free that you sometimes forget to take a step back and realize you are in fact still living in reality.
it's all really just words on a screen, scribbled words in a notebook, but with these thoughts twisted and winded, tangled, torn, we should think that's what makes reading a little less dull, and maybe sometime somewhere it reaches into you at a moment you least expect it, to help you go on, stay a little stronger than the next blind follower.
flowers and trees, and the sky above helps you remember the little things that make up every aspect of life.
the deepest path taken will lead you to a more enjoyable and remarkable ending., to any story, short or tall.
in fact, all i am saying in this specific blog, on this specific computer screen, in this specific location, with my daughter on my lap and my wife in front of me, all i am saying is without the sun, without the shine, i would be lost. i would continue on so blindly led, following the next can of beer, the next bag of drugs, the next meaningless encounter with someone. i am claiming the end. the end to hardship for her and i, the end of sudden stress undoubtly misconceived. and after all these are just words thought up in a mind that has grown to understand "control" and to fight off the devil, fight off the demons, fight off those useless urges that only lead empty.
i am claiming the end.